The Challenge of Perception

Author: 
Sarah Nackman, CIEE Intensive French Language Summer '22

France, comme un reve, was rich in culture and natural beauty -- exceeding my expectations and presumptions about French life. Although Rennes was adorned with cobblestone streets and charming architecture, the ignorance and racism was overt. I was adopted from China as a baby and grew up in a predominantly white area in rural Pennsylvania. After taking many French language and culture courses over the past 8 years and my life experience as a POC, I assumed I was prepared to encounter the racial ignorance in France.
Ironically, the tiktok linked below popped up on my for you page while I was in France.
A tiktok: evelynedelarichaudyoff -- Comments and Asian French woman has received after participating in Miss France competition 6/23/22
During the beginning of the program, many international students were still in the area and surprisingly, I found Rennes to be relatively diverse. As the program progressed and students left the area, I began to hear more remarks that targeted my appearance. From the ni-hao's to the ching-chong's et la chinoise, the laughing and the meowing, the sobering daylight and other pedestrians did not seem to hinder their behavior. Upsettingly, I was either made the butt of jokes for school children and adults alike, or I was an exotic feature for locker room talk. The way I looked, and the assumptions made about my life were amusing to them --- and that is all they could and would choose to see me.
I discussed this concern with my host mother, who overall was a great support system, but did not seem to understand how these behaviors were hurtful, wrong, and ignorant. When I talked about how people assumed my ethnicity and nationality by greeting me in Mandarin, she told me, " Peut-etre c'est une approche pour créer un lien/une conversation entre vous, non? C'est seulement une salutation".  [Maybe it's an attempt to make conversation/establish a connection between you. It's only a greeting] The bluntness of her response, at this point, did not surprise me, but led me to ruminate on my feelings of inadequacy and alienation. Growing up in an area with white parents, where no one really looked like me, led to my questioning, resentment, and rejection of my identity as a Chinese American adoptee.
During my time spent in France, I permitted the buried contempt of my physical appearance to resurface, despite ongoing efforts to resolve and reconcile my self-perception. However, the racism I encountered did not and could not encompass the overall, positive experience I had in France.
Unfortunately, confronting stereotypes and ignorance when it comes to race relations is something I acknowledge to be inevitable in many societies. Institutions founded upon racist ideology and oppression have yet to completely eliminate these ways of thinking. Despite this negative aspect of my study abroad experience, with the support of my host family, other students, faculty, and program directors, I enjoyed and profited from my time in France. Health and wellbeing matter, but the racism I encountered did not detract from what I was able to take away from the program; personally, and professionally. I was able to make connections with professors in France and bolster my confidence in the language while also improving my physical health and cultural awareness.
Before studying abroad in another country, if you are a person of color, do some research on customs and attitudes. How do people generally approach problems such as racism? Is there a difference in perception? Why may people act upon their racism? I don’t believe people should be complacent with discrimination, xenophobia, or microaggressions-- or invalidate themselves or people who experience them. However, it is important to understand that someone else’s ignorance is not an estimation or reflection of your self-worth, and it is certainly not your responsibility to fix. It may not be the perfect solution but remember your global experience, friends, family, and program staff are there to enrich and support you. Engaging with and immersing oneself in another culture is an invaluable experience. There are plenty of good people to meet, and things to do. And frankly, in your life, you are the most important person. Profitez-bien.
 

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